I wish I wasn't so observant.

I lack the ability to understand why anyone would have the ability to lie. It is just one of those things that I don't do. I didn't really realize this until one time Cindy asked me a question, and I answered it truthfully. She was slightly upset, and I said, "What, did you want me to lie?" My mom then said, "Don't expect that out of Abbie, she can't do it." It shocked me that my mom was ever so observant of my behavior, but that's beside the point. It's true. Save white lies and lies of omission (because I do have a habit of avoiding telling people when they've upset me), I always tell the truth. Some people don't do this. It's crazy.

The worst part about this is that I always know. I might not let on that I know, and at first I might not even be sure. But eventually I will find out. I remember a surprising amount of detail from conversations, and always realize when two things don't match up. But sometimes I will be polite and ignore it anyway. However, that's usually when I stop trusting people. Which is already a problem for me. Ugh, I'm so stressed out here lately. I wish I was stupid.

Today I also realized I argue the same way my dad does, except mine is introvert-style. That is to say, it's very dismissive, condescending, and sarcastic. I can usually stop myself with people I like, but people I don't like receive the full brunt of my wrath. Sometimes I'm so like him, it's scary. One time my mom pointed out that my dad and I both fake-yawn when we're trying to avoid something. Crazy. I didn't really realize it until recently because he's so extroverted, just like everyone else in my fucking family (read: exhausting). It's hard to translate your personality traits when you have that one major difference.

I'm done talking, now. I'm excited to go back to Fort Wayne so I can talk to Cindy and Chrissy, because they are literally the only people in the whole entire world who actually listen to me. Even though they hate it, they're very tolerant. lols. Sigh. :/