And by day two, I'm referring to the emotional instability cycle. Today we move on from anger and progress to extreme sadness. Yes! This birth control has got me all fucked up. It's making everything so much more intense. I hate everything.
It's the type of sadness where nothing seems ok. In my opinion, this is the worst one, because it results in that distinct "un-pretty" feeling. I do hope that all girls experience this, because I know at least Lindsey does as well. None of the outfits I try on seem to look good, I feel ugly, and I feel fat. The mirror is my worst enemy today. I know this sounds vain, but self-confidence is important. It makes you feel like shit when it's gone.
The hopelessness is the funnest part. All I want to do right now is listen to sad music and sit on Lindsey's bed and cry. Because surely, nothing good will ever happen in my life. All the good things right now are illusions that I use as a device to not kill myself. And Elliott Smith, Fiona Apple, and Jewel can express this perfectly for me. YES THIS IS MY THOUGHT PROCESS RIGHT NOW. SO VERY, VERY RATIONAL.
I'm glad John is my friend. He's helping put things in perspective and calm me down, at least. Gay friends are the fucking best things on earth. This is why I've never needed a boyfriend. And now I'm going to go eat a cookie and smoke a cigarette. Ah.
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