They messed up my order at Taco Bell. I get one little thing and you fuck it up, really? The first Taco Bell we went to was closed. My window was down and this ridiculously drunk bro staggered up to it and asked me if he could hop in the car. I told him that didn't sound safe. Bro was persistent. Then I told him he had a bandaid on his shirt, because he did, and he got distracted. We escaped unscathed.
But I still don't have a burrito and that's lame. When I believed in God and I was in the throes of weight-loss obsession, I would've taken it as a sign that God was telling me I was too fat. I just came across a blog that had some "Weight-loss Wednesday" shit on it, and it instantly made me tired. I hate how it's a big deal.
Reminds me of when I was persistently in a bad mood in high school because I never ate. All I would do was walk around exhausted and then go home and sleep. And then there was the throwing up stage. That was more depression related, though. I would eat, vomit, cry, but then I would actually feel better. It was fucking crazy, and I knew it.
The stupid thing is it's not like I just learned to love myself and it all went away. I wanted to lose weight so bad, but I realized that eating disorders, unless taken to the extreme, are extremely ineffective. So I became vegan. In the beginning it felt like deprivation, so it had similar psychological effects, but it wasn't unhealthy. And it made me lose weight like crazy.
I would probably rate my self esteem as above average now. I can admit that if I gained weight, it would depress me. I don't really think about it too much, but at the same time I sort of miss obsessing about it. I still have the veganism thing, though. Say what you will about doing it for the right reasons (and it's not like it was 100% about the weight loss anyway), but it saved me. Just sayin'.
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